In lieu of recent confessions in the cycling world…
May 27, 2007 2:04 pmIn lieu of recent confessions (1) (2) (3) (4) in the cycling world, I too feel that it is time to step up to the plate and clear my conscience of a self-prevoked sin dragging me down closer and closer to the depths of a really, really, ridiculously super hot, and fiery Hell.
Ok folks, here it goes…
Last Wednesday, I ate an entire bag of Jelly Beans all by myself.
I didn’t even share with Suzanne. Well… only because she had her own bag of candy.
At the time it felt great, but afterwards it felt awful. I eat candy because I’m sad, and I’m sad because I eat candy.
I feel better now that I got that off my chest.
Actually folks, while I got you here, if you don’t mind I have another one to confess. This one’s a bit better… You see, at training camp last February we were all in the team van, and my new teammate Cody Stevenson asked me for my phone number to put into his new American cell phone.
I replied, “867-5309″….
As in Jenny’s phone number from the 1982 Tommy Tutone hit song, “867-5309/Jenny”.
Yesterday (May 26th), I flew into Newark, New Jersey, and he asked me why I haven’t been returning his text messages or phone calls…
It was at that moment I had to come clean and fill him in on my little “joke”. He wasn’t familiar with the song or the phone number. He was however familiar with the domestic text message and phone call rates that he’d been wasting.
At the time the joke felt great, but afterwards it felt really awful. I felt particularly awful about taking advantage of a kind and friendly Australian whose feet had only been planted on American soil for all of 24 hours.
Thanks for reading, I feel better now.
8 Responses to “In lieu of recent confessions in the cycling world...”
Austin,
i can’t believe it. i looked up to you. and this is how you treat your fans. i am saddend by these revelations, and now i feel so………. lost. what are all the junior riders supossed to do, think that its ok to eat a whole bag of jelly beans, what am i supposed to do. maybe one day i can forgive you……..one day.
Watch your back….. The Lord hath no furry like an Aussie pranked…
Dear Father:
Does the Lord have no fury like the scorn of a 5 foot 4 inch Aussie? Didn’t think so….
Dear Chad:
I feel terrible. But there’s more… I ate some of Suzanne’s candy too. I know… tragic… so terribly tragic.
From,
Austin
I keep Jelly Beans in the pockets of my “going-out’ clothes, so when things get boring and tireing I pop a bean in my mouth and everything looks better. But to eat a whole bag in one sitting is a little more than even I can do. You waste all that good flavor……
Austin,
Thank you for the admission. In my heart I know you only ate the beans once before deciding to never do it again, right? Mostly you just thought about it… it’s not like you were systematically ‘beaning’ for all these years, right? …right?
No man, I’ve been a premeditated Jelly Bean eater for years now.
Sometimes, I start to feel really bad about myself and get off the Beans for a few months leading up to a big race… but as soon as that race is over, I find myself gravitating back to the Jelly Beans or sometimes even CandyCorn, Swedish Fish, Valentines Hearts, Mike N Ike’s, Hot Tamales, and Gummy Bears. This just recently happened after the Tour de Georgia.
I hope I have the will power to stay off the Jelly Beans for the weeks leading up to Philly. I feel good about those odds right now, but hope that I don’t buckle in a moment of weakness. Wish me luck guys.
Well, at least you’re only beaning out-of-competition… I won’t put any asterisks next to your results.
Hey when it comes to dieting you need days filled with crapy food so that your body does not hold on to the fat stores. Austin you are an inspiration for your willingness to do so and not get trapped in the anorexic norm of pro cyclists.
Care to comment?