Ladies and gentleman… I have a real gem for you guys today.

I’ve been telling my parents for years that this guy’s a wanker. I walk into the room, see that he’s on the television and instinctively say, “What a wanker”.

Now… I have proof. Glorious proof.

Mom and dad, click play… and see the awful truth unfold right infront of your very eyes.

Come on, stop dragging your feet, your computer is capable of playing videos.

I wouldn’t trust that guy for about as far as I could throw him…

Which, by the way, doesn’t happen to be too far at all.

Have a good day.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
3 Comments »

26 years ago to this very day, at 4 in the morning, I decided I had had enough of that womb without a view…

If you want to know what being 26 feels like…

just a bit older than 25.

Today, on my Birthday, I’m going to do a long, hard ride to Payson. Then I’m heading out with Suzanne to get sushi for dinner. Then I’m going to eat the birthday cake she made me. Seriously, I’m going to eat the entire thing. Believe that.

I’ll probably finish the day off with with some browsing of E-Bay for new Scout parts. Maybe I’ll hit up CraigsList and see if there’s any new goodies there. I want to buy a mid 50’s Chevy Belair… and a 30’s Model A… and a mid 50’s Thunderbird… and a 60’s International Harvester… and a GTO, Mustang, Camaro or some other type of muscle car.

I’m a dreamer and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

That’s my Birthday right there folks.

Now the good stuff… Did anyone see American Idol last night? Seriously, they’re totally using retarded kids for better ratings. I can totally see it now…

As the short bus gingerly pulls up in front of the audition building, the door slowly opens to release the ecstatic newfound auditioners upon the televised world… Unaware of the viewing carnage and laughter deviously planned for them by the producers and the kind folks behind the scene at the FOX network… as one-by-one the young people step off fully believing today is the day their destiny will be reached and they’ll become America’s newest Idol…

Just watch it.

Bye.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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I was close…

But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Write that down.

My brother got a phone call from a friend saying that his girlfriend thinks I might be on the cover of USA Cyclings 2007 calendar. So, I looked it up on Amazon and by golly there I was…

Check it out here.

My dad called a friend of his at USA Cycling and it turns out that it was indeed going to be printed but they ran into problems with the publisher agreeing on the price for the rights to all the photos being used. I guess the publisher wanted the pictures for free… or something to that effect.

The irony of it all is the fact that the picture is from 2005 and I’m wearing the Cycling Center’s clothing and not the U.S. National Team kit. The photo was for USA Cycling’s calendar and the Cycling Center is another program in Belgium for young riders. I would have thought that the last thing they would’ve wanted to do is put the Cycling Center’s team kit on the cover of their calendar. It would have been an odd decision… but somehow it almost happened.

In the end, the project was scrapped and I never became a calendar.

I shed a tear of sorrow, quickly wiped it off, and ate a ham sandwhich.

The show must go on…

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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American Idol… What is the deal?

Allow me to explain in more detail.

Suzanne and I have been watching American Idol this week. The first show of the season was a mega 2-hour premier this past Tuesday taped in Minneapolis, Minnesota. To be perfectly honest with you… something’s fishy.

Even more fishy than the past 5 or so season’s of horribly entertaining and painful auditions.

I will not elaborate anymore but simply and blunty ask, “American Idol, are you using retarded kids in your audtitions for better ratings”?

Seriously… We’re not talking normal looking and acting people who sing slightly off key.

Nope.

We’re talking the “missing link” child, caged and poked with a stick since birth, only to be released upon society last Tuesday morning to spastically dance as if they were having a seizure, and produce a cackling screech reminiscent of an untamed Hippopotamus feveriously mating with an old and crabby Velociraptor as they rip into Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”… all the while possessing two left ears perched just below a muff of slightly combed and greasy brown hair that screams out, “Watch out World, here I come!”.

I hope that painted a fantastic mental picture.

Don’t believe me? Then watch it. Next week they’re in Memphis. You only need to give it 10 minutes and then you can turn it off.

You know you want to…

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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Gather around folks and read carefully. Your Phoenician based brethren need your help.

There’s talk of a proposed velodrome being built in one of Phoenix’s east side suburbs. I’ve heard this type of talk before, but you never can be too safe. Sooner or later one of these propesed velodrome’s will work out.

Here’s your mission:

-Click this link:

http://www.ftnhillsvelodrome.org/

-At the bottom of the screen, click on the “Support Form”.

-Type in your name and e-mail address (come on don’t be scared, you won’t be spammed…)

-Click “OK”.

-Sit back, relax, and patiently wait for your 30 seconds of time contributing to a velodrome being built in Phoenix.

-Come ride the velodrome with me. We’ll do our best not to crash. If we do, we’ll try and laugh it off… if we can’t laugh it off, we’ll storm off the infield swearing, throwing helmets and kicking things over.

Either way, it’ll be a good time.

Thanks and talk to you later.

Austin

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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This is the latest piece by my brother Hunter King.

It’s fine art… That means by hand. Not any of that computer graphic sissy stuff. This is the real deal Holyfield… pencil and paper kind of thing.

It’s called “History Repeats Itself” and is a portrait of Big Dummy… I mean President George Bush. Here’s the kicker… it’s been considered “too controversial” to appear in an art gallery where he has a showing this Friday the 12th. Now, I’m going to stop talking for a minute and let you think and marinate on that for a quick minute……

Hm?… A picture… of our current President… drawn by hand… with no horns, middle fingers or anything disrespectful drawn across his forehead… has been declared “too controversial” to be displayed in an art gallery. An art gallery? Really? They’re all about controversy… But apparently this picture has gone to far? Is that what it’s come too? Our President is too controversial to have a drawing of him hung on a galleries wall…

You can draw your own conclusion as I’ve drawn mine…

Be safe people, it’s a crazy world out there. Wear your helmet… At all times.

That means at the grocery store too.

Bye.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
4 Comments »