Austin King » I’ve got an itchy throwing arm…

I was rolling back into my neighborhood, a bit tired after the Saturday morning group ride, and I was thinking to myself, “self… you’re going to need to prepare a little blog entry soon…. but self, what will you write about?”…..

and I thought, and thought and thought… and then it hit me.

Damn near literally.

It was a white styrofoam cup with a lid and straw, filled with ice and soda…

and it came from the hands of a young high school looking child as he and his buddy passed me in their sweet little Honda.

Ever since I graduated in 1999…I haven’t liked high schoolers.

So my first thought was to flip a U-turn and head after them. So I did just that. Never think twice… never. Write that down. I had just rolled through a small residential stop light a few streets back and I knew they would get stopped at that light…

and they did.

As I accelerated after them, they noticed and tried to go left… and got boxed in by another car. So the young lads then quickly went for the right lane. At that point, it was a race between my increasing speed and itchy water bottle throwing arm…

and his gas pedal and odds of making a right turn in thick traffic.

I’m sorry to say that his gas pedal prevailed although his odds did not as he cut off a ton of cars to avoid a 145lb scronny pale cyclist covered in bright orange lycra.

You know… if you’re going to have the nerve to hurl an object at a scronny little cyclist, at least have the testicular fortitude to not floor it and run like a little girl. Who’s the sissy now?

On the bright side, this happened in my neighborhood where I ride daily and I do remember the car… I’ve got an itchy throwing arm and a full bottle of sports drink.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.

7 Responses to “I've got an itchy throwing arm...”

The thrilla from manilla wrote a comment on November 18, 2006

Yo AK,
protect your neck the soul ride will be checking in shortly with some funky fresh pics and some delicious reading. One of our first topics is gonna be precisely what you spoke of. Punk high schoolers in honda’s and how to choke them out within the safe confines of the law. The tragedy of it is this though…when you are a 145lb cyclist it is easier to catch them but harder to choke slam and when you are a 195lb former cyclist it is easier to choke slam but harder to catch them. I wonder dear sweet austin….maybe the answer is a tandem. You pedal fast and I will choke slam. Yessss….that is an idea. Sweet dreams my little lycra angel sweet dreams

Flyin Hawaiian wrote a comment on November 19, 2006

I hope ya get em home boy! F-ing punks!
FH

patrick wrote a comment on November 20, 2006

good luck catching the punks….but i say that the bottle is being too kind. a small handful of change will cause much more damage to the sweet little honda.

Austin wrote a comment on November 20, 2006

I had never thought of a handful of change?…

Probably becuase I’m frugal by nature and that would seem like a waste of, oh.. 65-75 cents. Unless of course you then stopped to pick all the change back up. Man, that sure would be a sight to see.

One of the better one’s I’ve heard was of someone getting off their bike and giving the passenger door a huge stomp with their cycling cleat. I thought that would have been very entertaining to watch.

hunter wrote a comment on November 21, 2006

how about a condom full of oil paint. it would be easily acessable from a back pocket. the oil paint would stay in liquid form. and to throw it right across the windsheild would be a just deserve.

i have seen mace used before. it was sweet…….actually, it was one of the coolest things i have ever seen. if the windows of the car are down a little squirt in the cab is more than enough to put a smile back on your face.

Austin wrote a comment on November 21, 2006

Alright…. the mace was a great idea, however the condom is not.

It’s bad enough to have to spend the majority of my day in orange lycra… add a condom filled with oil paint to my back pocket… for a 3 hour ride here… a 5 hour ride there… Nope. What if I mistake it for a PowerBar?… Reach in my back pocket at a stop light, dig around, pull it out and go to take a big chomp out of it.

Although the cars next to me would get a good laugh.

the thrilla from manilla wrote a comment on November 21, 2006

no doubt- hunter how the flip are you going to carry an oil filled condom around? Madness. Keep making the geat art and let rebel justice be in the hands of the vigilantes. P.S
viva la resistance.
p.p.s Volander hasn’t written you because his boyfriend dumped him and he has been crying at home like a little baby.