Ok readers of the Gospel of AKingsLife…… It’s decision time. Here’s the deal. I have 2 friends, actually I have more than that. More like 6 or 7, but anyways… I have 2 friends who would like to have their own page here on my site. Similar to my “Thoughts From Janet Page”. On this page they will, and I quote you, “square off and wax poetry in a haiku form”. Hm?…. Anyways, they’re in the cycling scene and will type random non-sense about bikes, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I promise you they will keep it witty and humorous. If not, I promise you I will delete their page faster than shit goes through a goose.

On my previous two posts they’ve been leaving a bombardment of comments. Read them and see what you think. Here’s a
couple for you to check out:

Austin- this is Holt and the Max- we demand a link like Janet where we can square off and wax poetry in a haiku form. Do this or else…. We will name the forum…THE SOUL RIDE OF A THOUSAND UNDISPUTED TRUTHS

Austin- Where Travis lacks in spelling, grammar, and sense he makes up for in hair. Point being that he is my Robin, I am his Batman and as such you cannot penalize us for his shortcomings. The Soul Ride of 1000 Eternal Truths will take and captivate readers on a journey through life, love, cycling, the triumphs and tragedies of personal decision and the soldiers that brave these warfields of life. Consider it to be a mini- documentary of 2 former racers living in the big city trying to strike it out all the while with bikes in their hearts. Give the readers what they deserve Austin…and shame on you for playing our grammar and spelling against Janet’s. I bet Janet doesn’t have a top hat and isn’t shopping for a 1980 convertible Cadillac- does she?? Do the right thing.

-Pompador Velvetheart

Austin- For those who think the unheard of means unattainable I offer the following prose: For summits unclimbed and stones unturned- the indomnitable spirit of adventure fuels the soul of man.
So young king I offer this proposal…
To a web site audience holds royal court. Give myself and Volander The Soul Ride of a Thousand Truths and I offer non harm from my gang of me, Volander, Chief Clark, Prince, David Hasselhoff, Tommy Gavin and Chuck Norris.
Do the right thing Austin…

-Peroxidus GoldenToe

Austin- Hear me now ……. As it is said by the whispers of the Sirens. The Romans have always known……. Let Poisidens wind fill the sails and let the rest be made up by the rowing slaves chanting to the beat of a drum. By the power of Zeus it is this and will always be the indifference of immortal men and the will of the Spartans. Let their History pave uncharted pathways for Passion and justice.

-T is for Tortugue

Austin- just so you know. I have empirical evidence that you are Adopted…… I’ll explain in my next post

Volander

So, there’s a few samples for you guys to marinate on. If you want to read them all, click on the comments from my previous two posts.

Ok, now for the good part. The Democratic Republic of AKingsLife shall hold a vote to decide the fate of The Sould Ride of a Thousand Undisputed Truths. Vote “YES” if you want it to become a page on this site. Vote “No” if you do not want it to become a page on this site. Vote “Who Cares” if you think they’re a bunch of retards with more time on their hands than even myself.

Voting will end at noon on this coming Thursday.

Don’t be shy, the vote button doesn’t bite.

Stay tuned for updates.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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Always good for a few laughs…..

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.” - Jack Handy

“To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.” - Jack Handy

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.” - Jack Handy

“Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and that’s why so is mankind.” - Jack Handy

“When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.” - Jack Handy

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.” - Jack Handy

Take Care.

Austin.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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They’ve arrived.

The revolution has begun.

Available at all fine department stores and clothing boutiques across America. If you don’t see them on the rack at Nordstroms, it’s becaue they’ve sold out due to such high demand.

Seriously.

These shirts are so hot right now.

So hot.

I’ve posted another update from Janet on the “Thoughts From Janet” page. In this update, Janet tells us about her race in Traverse City and her unfortunate post race up-close-and-personal encounter with the ditch. Also, Janet’s daughter Calista writes in and tells us what it’s like cutting the hair of Lance Armstrong’s big screen double. Check it out.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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Right when you’re not really sure what you’re going to type about… you fall upon something.

Literally.

My streak of 413 consecutive days without a work accident has come to an end.

Damnitt.

My last crash was in late 2005 at a race in Belgium called GP Stad Geel. It had a downhill section of wet cobble stones. I deserved to go down for even trying to ride them at 30mph. So did the other 40 or so guys that slide down the dirty wet street with me.

However today’s crash was a bit different than that. It was just me and my mountain bike and a sunny morning ride. I had finally found my comfort zone on it and was beginning to descend fairly well when all of a sudden my body decided that for some reason it wanted to do a high speed dismount. My body then decided to follow up this high speed dismount with a rather ungraceful thud to the Earth’s rocky floor.

It was the kind of high speed thud where the first thing you do is the two second vitals check. Breathing… CHECK! Anything broken… CHECK!

Then you quickly get up and immediately check to see if anyone saw it. Now, a hiker, rider, or someone you didn’t know… well, that’s embarrassing because you have to explain to them 7,000 times that you’re ok because they don’t understand how in the world somebody could fall off a bike at high speed and not get hurt. It can be done though.

“Are you ok”

“Yes”

“Are you sure you’re ok”

“Yeah, I’m fine”

“Are you sure you’re ok, you crashed hard”

“Yes damnitt I’m fine”.

After getting up from a crash and realizing that nobody saw it there is an instant feeling of relief. This feeling is immediately followed by a bit of disappointment at the fact that you weren’t riding with a friend or teammate so that they could witness it. This helps with future stories. Even better would be if somebody caught it on video. Then it could be uploaded to YouTube for everybody’s viewing pleasure.

I however got up off the ground and was angry. Keep in mind that 99 out of 100 crashes are never your fault. You can always blame it on something else, like that stupid pothole that got in your way, or that stupid tall guy in the red that got too close to you. It’s always easier to defer the blame upon something else! I survived rather dangerous races like the Athens Twilight Criterium and the Tour de Beauce and was now knocked down by this stupid little mound of dirt.

“I swear by the Hammer of Thor you stupid mound of dirt; I’m going to pound you into submission”.

The mound of dirt suddenly finds itself inches from an untimely death.

I didn’t actually say this. Had it been a busy day out on the trail, with many witnesses of my crash present, then yes, I would have cursed the dirt mound. This will help to balance out the embarrassment factor. You’re embarrassed for crashing and now they’re embarrassed for witnessing your crash followed by your Viking like declaration for war with the mound of dirt. In the awkward bit of silence that ensues, you ride off into the sunset. But today it wasn’t worth it. Nope. Instead I remounted my not-so-trusty steed and finished off my ride sore, angry, and grumbling under my breath at crashing.

I got home, cleaned up and went out into the garage and dusted off my road bike and aired up the tires. One more quality high speed dismount like that and my cross training just might be done for the winter.

It’s been 6 hours and 5 minutes since my last work accident….

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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Anybody unfamiliar with the Doobies…… Familiarize youself.

Anybody already familiar with the Doobies…… Keep on truckin.

Last Saturday night, Suzanne and I went to see the Doobie Brothers play at the Celebrity Theatre in Phoenix. They rocked, they rolled and most importantly, they kicked copious amounts of ass. Yes, I said copious amounts of ass. Write that down.

It’s hard not to kick ass when your band has two drummers…

They closed with “Listen to the Music”…

It’s not your imagination… The circular stage slowly rotates during performances.

After over 30 years of performing, the Doobie Brothers are still a wonderful act to see and it does help to have a few original members still plugging away in the band. Pat Simmons and Tom Johnston are the two lead singers/guitarists and they’re original members from way back in the day……

A day long, long ago……when men were men…… and the sheep were scared.

A day when men were ugly, had tough beards, cowboy boots, and there was no talk of metrosexuals or boy bands…… but their music was real, and flowed from the heart to the mouth, where it intertwined with anti-depressant’s, Weed, Heroin, Cocaine and a nice refreshing cold beer to produce some of the most memorable rock n’ roll tunes of all time. Greats by the name’s of Hendrix, Allman, Van Zant, Joplin, Garcia, Plant and Page roamed the Earth just looking to spread some love and play a little rock n’ roll.

You can’t fault them for that now can you?

Jimi played a normal guitar upside down and left handed.

The almighty Led Zeppelin.

Now go ahead and load your IPod up with the greats of classic rock n’ roll and train like you’ve never trained before.

I will.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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