On September 14, 2006 the Spinach world was rocked by serious allegations of deadly E.Coli contamination. In the next two weeks, America has seen Spinach go from an enjoyable and well liked vegetable to disregarded and thrown away by most adults and once again labeled a “yucky” vegetable by children of all ages. While there have been daily reports in the news about this green, iron rich leafy vegetable and it’s current lethal bacterial situation, there has been very little word from the Spinach community itself and those closest to it.

Unhappy with the current progress of this case, we wanted to find our own answers. So to get the latest scoop from those deep within the Spinach community, we here at AKingsLife.com went right to the source and through a Google search found a few names. First up, we contacted Savoy Spinach, one of the three most common types of Spinach. After a short flight to New Jersey, and a quick cab ride later, we found ourselves knocking on his garden gate. Savoy answered and agreed to a full length exclusive interview….

Savoy shown here in his earlier days.

AKingsLife: Hi Savoy. First off, let us thank you for this exclusive interview. We’re not sure why the media didn’t think of this first but we appreciate you giving us your time today.

Savoy: Yeah, now worries. Now what’s your freaking question pal?

AKingsLife: Um, well Savoy, we have a few of them….

Savoy: Well, make it quick kid. Time is money…….and I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

AKingsLife: (laugh)…Uh, wow Savoy, that was amazing. I’ve actually never heard Spinach quote a Snoop Doggy Dogg lyric before. Normally you guys just lay there in the vegetable crisper and don’t say a word.

Savoy: Hey kid, FYI…things aren’t always what they appear to be. Now cut the crap and get to the point. You’re wasting my freaking time.

AKingsLife: Ok, Savoy, sure thing…ok, lets see, here we are. Now Savoy, what are your feelings on the current allegations against the Spinach community and its apparent contamination with E.Coli?

Savoy: Ah hell, I knew you were going to ask me that. Are you freaking retarded? You freaking people with all your bone headed questions. You know what kid? You’re lucky I don’t uproot right now and kick your ass clear to China. For your info smart guy, E. Coli comes from the waste of animals or humans. Aint no animal or human pissing and crapping on me. Actually, you know what? I’ve got better things to do than this crap. Have a good day chump boy. Oh, and for the record, I bet it was that son of a bitch Smooth Spinach. I don’t trust that freaking guy one bit.”

A little caught off guard by the foul language and high emotion of Savoy, we quickly moved on and decided to locate the next name on our list: Smooth Spinach. Despite a full Google search, we were unable to locate an address for Smooth’s Brooklyn apartment. Instead we were forced to pursue him by phone. Luckily, once contacted Smooth agreed to chat with us.

Smooth shown here looking cool.

AKingsLife: Hi Smooth. First off, thank you for giving us a few minutes of your time and agreeing to this phone interview.

Smooth: Sure thing baby, I always have time for a sexy woman.

AKingsLife: Okey dokey… Um, Smooth…I’m a man though.

Smooth: Yeah, I know. But I’m just telling you that I always have time for a sexy woman. Put that in your article.

AKingsLife: Ok Smooth, I will. So, let’s cut to the chase. What are your feelings on the current allegations against the Spinach community and its apparent contamination with the deadly E.Coli bacteria?

Smooth: Ah baby, I don’t care too much. I know I’m innocent. I mean, I do feel really bad though. Honestly, I do baby. Just because I’m a vegetable from Brooklyn doesn’t mean I can’t have a heart of pure gold. But it wasn’t me. No way baby, I’m not that dirty. I’m too smooth to be dirty.

AKingsLife: We just spoke to Savoy Spinach and he said you couldn’t be trusted.

Smooth: Ah baby, that’s crazy talk coming out of his mouth. He’s just player hating on me, that’s all. I don’t blame him though. I would too if I was living in Newark. You know what baby, I gotta go now. I’ve got a sexy little piece of Arugula coming over tonight and I gotta get all cleaned up. (click).

After getting hung up on by a piece of Spinach, we began to wonder. What’s the deal with this vegetable anyways? One’s rude and the other’s just……well, just plain weird…

Still with very little to work with, we decided it was important to pursue the last Spinach on our list and contact Semi-Savoy Spinach. Again, unable to locate an address we were regretfully forced to make a phone call. Oddly enough, the area code was for the New Jersey area….

Semi-Savoy, shown here relaxing after a long days work.

Semi-Savoy: Hello

AKingsLife: Hello, can I speak to Semi-Savoy Spinach please? This is AKingsLife.com just looking for a few minutes of his time.

Semi-Savoy: Ah, you freaking retards are calling me now? You just bust down my brothers door looking for a juicy story and now you freaking idiots are calling me. I ought to come down there and put my foot right square up your ass.

AKingsLife: Savoy, violence will solve nothing and please the language….watch it. This is a family friendly website. We’re just looking for the truth….

Semi-Savoy: The truth? The truth? You freaking chumps couldn’t handle the truth…. I don’t got a lot of good things to do today but I can find something better than talking to you freaking morons. (click).

And that was it….I was hung up on by another piece of Spinach.

Once again, we here at AKingsLife.com apologize for the rather rough language. We too were a bit taken by surprise with the frank talk from the Spinach community, particularly the two Savoy brothers.

The Savoy brothers shown here at a family gathering.

Still unsatisfied with the lack of cooperation and progress on this story, we decided to contact the last name on our list. A pioneer of all that is Spinach… A connoisseur of the delicate and delicious taste of Spinach…. The Grand Spinach Master himself…..

Popeye.

When contacted by e-mail, Popeye had this short and rather odd statement to say, “I yam what I yam! I’ve had all I can stand, I can’t stands no more”.

Ok….Um thanks Popeye. Well, folks we here at AkingsLife.com are unsure what exactly this means and feel that it might be some sort of code or encrypted message Popeye was looking to pass on. Sort of like what they do in prison during visits.

Actually foks, we’re pretty fed up with the lack of cooperation at the moment and the overall bizzarre personalities of the Spinach world. You know what, screw it. I never really liked Spinach anyways. If it wants to act like this, I’ll find my iron some place else. For now I’m going to stick with my real friends Romaine and Iceberg.

I like those guys and they’ve never hurt anybody.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
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