Seriously… For some it’s probably the best link ever. For others, not so much. More on that later….

For now though, I’ve just returned from Las Vegas and the Interbike industry trade show. This was my first trip to both and I had a great time.

Also, for the record….. Everybody wants to blabber on about “Sin City” this and “Sin City” that….. “Oh, Vegas is the craziest town in the world”……blah, blah, blah.

Well, I’ve been to Amsterdam… and little Vegas couldn’t even hold Amsterdam’s jock strap let alone be “crazier” than it….Why? Here’s one valid reason. Corey and I were solicited, almost 200 times in 24 hours, “Charlie, ecstasy Charlie”… “Charlie, cocaine Charlie” right out in the middle of the day on crowded sidewalks surrounded by other tourists wandering around taking photos of the old buildings. For some reason English speakers are called Charlie… If you’ve ever been there you know what I’m talking about. It’s bizarre to say the very least…

I wasn’t sad to leave there. 24 hours was plenty enough for an entire lifetime.

I actually saw a company at Interbike that was from Amsterdam. I thought, “Jeez, you guys gotta be bored.”

Ok now… getting a little off track… Hold on one second, I’m going to pull a U-turn. Alright we’re good. So, Interbike eh? Well, it’s probably the largest convention center ever known to man and it’s filled with all things relating to bikes. Including but not limited to: Phil Liggett, the very busy SRAM booth, the even busier SRAM booth when they handed out free beer at 5:00 pm everyday, a $12,000 Scott bike, Mario Cipollini and Eddy Merckx, $3 bottles of water, my childhood idol John Tomac, Greg Lemond, not so awesome recumbent bikes, Neil Shirley, Neil Shirley’s beyond life size poster of himself…… and this:

Busted…… trying to relive the glory days.

Seriously folks, he did this for hours as bunches of people continued to walk by. Serious.

OK, here’s your link for the day. Every Simpsons, South Park and Family Guy episode… ever.

http://dailyepisodes.com

For some people, the discovery of this link may just possibly give them a heart attack of pure joy and pleasure.

For others nothing at all.

Good bye for now.

1,300……The number of Jittery Joe’s espresso shots given away on Day 1 of Interbike.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
No Comments »

On September 14, 2006 the Spinach world was rocked by serious allegations of deadly E.Coli contamination. In the next two weeks, America has seen Spinach go from an enjoyable and well liked vegetable to disregarded and thrown away by most adults and once again labeled a “yucky” vegetable by children of all ages. While there have been daily reports in the news about this green, iron rich leafy vegetable and it’s current lethal bacterial situation, there has been very little word from the Spinach community itself and those closest to it.

Unhappy with the current progress of this case, we wanted to find our own answers. So to get the latest scoop from those deep within the Spinach community, we here at AKingsLife.com went right to the source and through a Google search found a few names. First up, we contacted Savoy Spinach, one of the three most common types of Spinach. After a short flight to New Jersey, and a quick cab ride later, we found ourselves knocking on his garden gate. Savoy answered and agreed to a full length exclusive interview….

Savoy shown here in his earlier days.

AKingsLife: Hi Savoy. First off, let us thank you for this exclusive interview. We’re not sure why the media didn’t think of this first but we appreciate you giving us your time today.

Savoy: Yeah, now worries. Now what’s your freaking question pal?

AKingsLife: Um, well Savoy, we have a few of them….

Savoy: Well, make it quick kid. Time is money…….and I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

AKingsLife: (laugh)…Uh, wow Savoy, that was amazing. I’ve actually never heard Spinach quote a Snoop Doggy Dogg lyric before. Normally you guys just lay there in the vegetable crisper and don’t say a word.

Savoy: Hey kid, FYI…things aren’t always what they appear to be. Now cut the crap and get to the point. You’re wasting my freaking time.

AKingsLife: Ok, Savoy, sure thing…ok, lets see, here we are. Now Savoy, what are your feelings on the current allegations against the Spinach community and its apparent contamination with E.Coli?

Savoy: Ah hell, I knew you were going to ask me that. Are you freaking retarded? You freaking people with all your bone headed questions. You know what kid? You’re lucky I don’t uproot right now and kick your ass clear to China. For your info smart guy, E. Coli comes from the waste of animals or humans. Aint no animal or human pissing and crapping on me. Actually, you know what? I’ve got better things to do than this crap. Have a good day chump boy. Oh, and for the record, I bet it was that son of a bitch Smooth Spinach. I don’t trust that freaking guy one bit.”

A little caught off guard by the foul language and high emotion of Savoy, we quickly moved on and decided to locate the next name on our list: Smooth Spinach. Despite a full Google search, we were unable to locate an address for Smooth’s Brooklyn apartment. Instead we were forced to pursue him by phone. Luckily, once contacted Smooth agreed to chat with us.

Smooth shown here looking cool.

AKingsLife: Hi Smooth. First off, thank you for giving us a few minutes of your time and agreeing to this phone interview.

Smooth: Sure thing baby, I always have time for a sexy woman.

AKingsLife: Okey dokey… Um, Smooth…I’m a man though.

Smooth: Yeah, I know. But I’m just telling you that I always have time for a sexy woman. Put that in your article.

AKingsLife: Ok Smooth, I will. So, let’s cut to the chase. What are your feelings on the current allegations against the Spinach community and its apparent contamination with the deadly E.Coli bacteria?

Smooth: Ah baby, I don’t care too much. I know I’m innocent. I mean, I do feel really bad though. Honestly, I do baby. Just because I’m a vegetable from Brooklyn doesn’t mean I can’t have a heart of pure gold. But it wasn’t me. No way baby, I’m not that dirty. I’m too smooth to be dirty.

AKingsLife: We just spoke to Savoy Spinach and he said you couldn’t be trusted.

Smooth: Ah baby, that’s crazy talk coming out of his mouth. He’s just player hating on me, that’s all. I don’t blame him though. I would too if I was living in Newark. You know what baby, I gotta go now. I’ve got a sexy little piece of Arugula coming over tonight and I gotta get all cleaned up. (click).

After getting hung up on by a piece of Spinach, we began to wonder. What’s the deal with this vegetable anyways? One’s rude and the other’s just……well, just plain weird…

Still with very little to work with, we decided it was important to pursue the last Spinach on our list and contact Semi-Savoy Spinach. Again, unable to locate an address we were regretfully forced to make a phone call. Oddly enough, the area code was for the New Jersey area….

Semi-Savoy, shown here relaxing after a long days work.

Semi-Savoy: Hello

AKingsLife: Hello, can I speak to Semi-Savoy Spinach please? This is AKingsLife.com just looking for a few minutes of his time.

Semi-Savoy: Ah, you freaking retards are calling me now? You just bust down my brothers door looking for a juicy story and now you freaking idiots are calling me. I ought to come down there and put my foot right square up your ass.

AKingsLife: Savoy, violence will solve nothing and please the language….watch it. This is a family friendly website. We’re just looking for the truth….

Semi-Savoy: The truth? The truth? You freaking chumps couldn’t handle the truth…. I don’t got a lot of good things to do today but I can find something better than talking to you freaking morons. (click).

And that was it….I was hung up on by another piece of Spinach.

Once again, we here at AKingsLife.com apologize for the rather rough language. We too were a bit taken by surprise with the frank talk from the Spinach community, particularly the two Savoy brothers.

The Savoy brothers shown here at a family gathering.

Still unsatisfied with the lack of cooperation and progress on this story, we decided to contact the last name on our list. A pioneer of all that is Spinach… A connoisseur of the delicate and delicious taste of Spinach…. The Grand Spinach Master himself…..

Popeye.

When contacted by e-mail, Popeye had this short and rather odd statement to say, “I yam what I yam! I’ve had all I can stand, I can’t stands no more”.

Ok….Um thanks Popeye. Well, folks we here at AkingsLife.com are unsure what exactly this means and feel that it might be some sort of code or encrypted message Popeye was looking to pass on. Sort of like what they do in prison during visits.

Actually foks, we’re pretty fed up with the lack of cooperation at the moment and the overall bizzarre personalities of the Spinach world. You know what, screw it. I never really liked Spinach anyways. If it wants to act like this, I’ll find my iron some place else. For now I’m going to stick with my real friends Romaine and Iceberg.

I like those guys and they’ve never hurt anybody.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
3 Comments »

Suzanne took this video of the town center of Brugge, Belgium on a fairly quiet day. Brugge has been knicknamed “Venice of the North” due to it’s extensive network of inner city canals. The Tour of Flanders also starts in the town center where this video was taken. It’s a really cool city where you can take a horse pulled carriage ride, a gondola ride or cruise around and walk through 12th century buildings and churches. Also, as with any place in Belgium, you can pull up a seat at any cafe or bar and try one of Belgium’s many different types of beers. In total there are over 115 breweries in Belgium producing about 500 types of beer. Factor in the “one-off’s”, and that number increases to around 1,000. However if you’re at a cafe in Brugge, just make sure you get the normal menu and not the price inflated tourist menu….

Please note my super intense, and excessive, Euro glasses……Jeez. What was I thinking?

Speaking of sweet towns…… Who’s going to Vegas for Interbike? This guy right here is.

Jittery Joe’s is sending Neil “Lavernen” Shirley and myself there to loaf around and help pump out free coffee and espresso for anybody interested. I’m actually kind of excited because I’ve never been to Las Vegas or Interbike. However, I hear that Interbike gets old after about 20 to 25 minutes and Vegas is a filthy little town. For those that don’t know, Interbike is the bike industry’s yearly trade show. If you’re going to be there, look me up. I’ll be somewhere around the Louis Garneau booth trying to look like I know what I’m doing.

Stop by and say “hi”.

I will probably say “hi” back. Or maybe even “hello”.

We will then stare at each other for a few seconds, while a bout of awkward silence takes place.

Then unable to generate exciting conversation, we will most likely say something to the effect of…

“Wow, um, yeah, so this place is really big, huh”.

Or

“Um, yeah so, um, it’s kind of crowded in here, right”?

I will then get the hint and realize you came for the free coffee and espresso and not for me.

So, I’ll scoot my cute little ass over to that espresso machine and make you a nice cup of Joe.

I have nothing more to say.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
No Comments »

Austin King’s Chronicles From Across the Pond

Ah yes, the Belgian Blunder. Allow me to shed some light on this frequently occurring phenomenon. You see, everyone new to Belgium is vulnerable. It’s really only a matter of time before it sneaks up behind you and taps you on the shoulder. You really have little to no choice but to face it at some point in your stay in this wet and windy little country. Go ahead, try as hard as you can but at some point or another you’ll slip. Maybe just a little slip or maybe just a trip. But sometimes it can be one hell of a stumble. Maybe the language is to blame, the weather, the map…

What is that you say? You went to McDonalds and did your deed in the ladies restroom. We’ll that’s a Belgian Blunder. What is that? You got lost training and ended up on the other side of Brussels and back with a 9 hour ride. We’ll that’s a pretty impressive Belgian Blunder there Mr. Sterling Magnell.

But you see ladies and gentlemen, today I heard the greatest Belgian Blunder of all time. The Blunder legends are made of, and the one that will forever set the standards for future mishaps. The Belgian Blunder that will forever go down in history belongs to one of our new riders, Bennett. Well it appears that Bennett’s favorite breakfast cereal of choice was not really cereal. No, it actually wasn’t even close to being cereal. You see, Bennett’s been eating dog food for breakfast. Yes, dog food. But wait it gets better….. Bennett’s been eating dog food for breakfast for about three weeks now. That’s just plain awesome if you ask me! Probably the greatest thing about it is the cat and dog on the cover of the bag. The dogs wearing a chef’s hat and has silverware in his paws. It really doesn’t get much better than that.

So Bennett, as the current holder of the World’s Most Greatest Belgian Blunder, I salute you.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
2 Comments »

Let’s start this post off with: I just don’t feel that I fit in at the Home Depot.

Alright, now I will explain why. Now that it is the “off season”, or “offy” for all my Australian reader’s, I’ve been involved in a few projects. This is normal for a rider because now the excuse of “I have to rest” is invalid, and laborous projects just seem to happen before you can think of another even half-valid excuse… such as, “I have to list all my stuff on E-Bay”. With that being said, one project I’ve suddenly found myself taking part in is helping my dad re-do his garage.

Cleaning it, moving everything out, painting the walls, painting the floor, putting shelving in, and lastly, moving everything back in… Not that bad, and something that needed to get done. OK, I can live with that.

With any household project comes a trip or two… or five or six to Home Depot. Now, in this situation Lowe’s does not count because their clientel just isn’t the same as Home Depot. Yes, they’re thinking home improvement as well, but they’re just different. Different good, different bad… you be the judge.

Back to the story at hand, so I’ve made a few trips to Home Depot in the past week and I just don’t think I fit in. Actually, I stick out like tits on a bull. Here’s a few reasons why. For starters, my wardrobe is partially to blame… Last time I strolled into Home Depot I was wearing flip flops (a huge Home Depot party foul), my coveted red basketball shorts (also a no-no) and to finish it off, my baby blue size small Missingsaddle t-shirt. Also, all of these clothes were hung on a scrawny, pale, cyclists physique with funny sock tan lines and a large head. Add all these factors up and it’s getting easier to see why I feel awkward at Home Depot. To make matters even worse, fitting in at Home Depot seems to have other important factors like cleanliness, facial hair, and overall demeanor and attitude.

So, to help explain more I’ve decided to diagnose the two most common types of people you see at Home Depot.

The Contractor Man.

This guy is most commonly seen in jeans, a belt, boots and a flannel buttom down shirt. If the shirt’s long sleeved, he’s more of a working type. If the sleeve’s are short, he’s more of the boss.

This guy has been going to Home Depot for years and knows what he wants and where it’s at. He’s educated on all that is associated with building and materials and therefore doesn’t need any help when trying to find OVRX Sanded OSB Insulated Sub Flooring Tile. He drives a nice new model four door pick-up truck that often times is lifted with shiny wheels. The exact same type of truck that always seems to buzz cyclists. You know, the type with the extra wide side mirrors. But thats a different story for a different time.

Despite being a construction worker type of guy, he remains very clean and dirt and grime is seldom seen under his nails. Note: He’s probably also wearing cologne or some sort of after shave.

The Manual Labor Man.

This is where Home Depot becomes marvelous….

because of this guy right here.

This is Home Depot’s staple customer. All their ads need to feature this guy becasue he is the peanut butter to their jelly, the Robin to their far smoother Batman. Quite often seen in a plain cotton t-shirt with paint stains on it, the true cream of the crop wear denim vests wide open……no fears, no worries, just letting the good times roll. This man most often times compliments that denim vest with a pair of jeans but is sometimes seen in shorts. Whichever it is, it isn’t complete without a tear or two and some paint stains. No matter which “britches” this man puts on two-legs at a time, he always finishes it off with black tennis shoes or boots. Always.

There are many other things this man will do to make you feel uncomfortable. Such as this:

Jeez….

Or this:

Now, I’m not exactly sure what that man is wearing, but I’m pretty positive I saw him browsing the plumbing isle yesterday….

A few more tid bits of information… This man finishes off a hard days work with a sixer of Budweiser. While he does take showers, his nails never seem to pull through and struggle to remain dirt and grime free. He gets to Home Depot most likely in a small two-door pick-up truck or a van similar to the A-Teams black van but the most important part is the bumper sticker reading, “My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Roll Student”. He also portrays just enough attitude to make you not want to fight him for a parking spot… that and his A-Team van screams out “Nothing to Lose”.

Note: His skin is overly tanned, creased and looks like a well oiled and worn in catcher’s mit. Also, beware of the butt crack when this man bends over… consider yourself warned.

So there you have it, my diagnosis of the two most common types of people seen at Home Depot. Now you know why I don’t feel that I fit in. Honestly, with the guy in all leather (or rubber……what the hell was that?), most of us might not fit in. Particularly us cyclists… Now if I missed any important types, please let me know. I almost added in the Soccer Mom because you do see her there quite a bit…mini van and all.

Also, I’m seeking advice as to how to go about fitting in better at Home Depot. Suzanne just purchased a condo and she’s T-minus 3 weeks til the move-in date. A new condo can only mean one thing: more time at the Home Depot…I’d better pull out my denim vest and prepare my butt crack.

Also, I’ve added a few more pieces to Hunter’s Artwork section of my Photos page. Check it out. He recently sold four pieces to a Scottsdale collector who’d seen his work on my site. Hunter was then able to quit his day job and finally be a full time artist! That’s a good thing.

Take Care.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
11 Comments »

I suppose I owe everyone a brief word about my first day of school. Here it is, don’t miss it:

Good.

That’s how it went. I appreciate everyone’s kind words of support through this very difficult and nervous time.

This is a picture of my class:

I have circled the two girls I suspect to be hereby known as “The Smart Girls”…….

And to answer a few of your questions…….No, I didn’t take the bus. Yes, I would consider psychological warfare with the smart girls. And lastly….. No, I didn’t cry and run home like a little girl like I did on the first day of 1st grade at Gold Dust Elementary School in the year of 1987. True story……

I will now plan out my….um……..well…plan…….to topple The Smart Girls history of scholastic triumphs and tribulations and instil fear into their very own eyes known as the wrath of the bald man’s deep and broad knowledge……Or something along those lines.

Continue to wish me luck. I think it’s working.

Categories: Daily Jibber Jabber.
7 Comments »