So I watched the Giro d’Italia everyday on the television and this Alessandro Petacchi sprinting phenomenon got to me. Basically, I quit watching the flat stages because they weren’t exciting. Nine stage wins is absolutely incredible! This man’s in a league of his own. Now I figured, if I quit watching the Giro due to boredom, there might just be other people doing the same thing. And then I figured, with a lack of viewers and television ratings, it could lead to a lack of sponsorship. And the lack of sponsorship could lead to a decline in available professional contracts and ultimately lead to the extinction of cycling as we know it. It would be a disservice to cycling mankind if I didn’t notify the Giro d’Italia of this potential problem and provide them with an adequate solution. So I decided to write a letter. Here we go….

Dear Giro d’Italia,

I watched the Giro d’Italia on television and I must say you‘ve got a really neat race. But everyday I watched Alessandro Petacchi proceed to the finish line unattested and I began to lose interest. So now that it’s 9 stage wins, I feel it’s time for some intervention. So I came up with a plan for next years event to even out the playing field. We shall call it the Giro-Petacchi Intervention Convention. My new format states that at the 10 kilometer to go banner, Mr. Petacchi must drop back to the Commisares car. After receiving a NBA regulation size basketball from the Commisare, he must then proceed back to the front of the race to contest the sprint. After winning the sprint, he must then attempt a new and more creative victory salute. Possibly the Macarena, The Harlem Shake or The Icky Shuffle? After an acceptable salute has been achieved, Alessandro must then shoot the basketball through a NBA regulation size hoop before coming to a complete stop. If Mr. Petacchi can achieve all this in a satisfactory manner, he will then be awarded the stage win. If he fails to complete the new criteria stated above then the stage win will be awarded to the next rider across the line

Should you choose to accept the Giro-Petacchi Intervention Convention, television ratings will drastically improve and cycling as we know it will be saved from extinction.

Thank you,

Austin King

Categories: Austin King's Chronicles From Across The Pond.